When a relationship with a narcissist ends, the resulting emotional crash can be devastating and disorienting. The idealised fantasy relationship is swept away like an avalanche, leaving behind a difficult-to-comprehend reality. Prolonged stress caused by gaslighting, manipulation, deceit, control, and other abusive behaviours can take a significant toll on the body and mind. Such experiences often result in symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). If compounded by historical trauma, such as childhood experiences involving family or caregivers, this can manifest as Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD). The concept of CPTSD will be explored further in a later chapter.
The Impact of Stress on Neurochemicals
Chronic stress and PTSD symptoms alter critical neurochemicals in the brain and body, including cortisol, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Relationships with narcissists often generate relentless emotional and psychological strain due to cycles of idealization, devaluation, unpredictability, and manipulation. This creates a state of hyper-vigilance and disrupts physical and emotional equilibrium, leading to long-term health effects.
Elevated Cortisol Levels
Repeated activation of the “fight or flight” response elevates adrenaline levels, fostering fear, panic, and hyper-vigilance. Prolonged stress results in sustained high cortisol levels, which, over time, impair key brain areas such as the hippocampus (responsible for memory and learning) and the prefrontal cortex (which regulates emotions).
PTSD and CPTSD often involve oscillation between hyper-arousal (anxiety, anger, fear) and hypo-arousal (numbness, dissociation, exhaustion). This dysregulation stems from prolonged activation of the sympathetic nervous system and is sometimes counteracted by a parasympathetic shutdown, leading to emotional numbness as a survival mechanism.
Normal Function of Cortisol
Cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone, plays a crucial role when functioning normally. It provides energy during moments of need, activates the immune system, reduces excess inflammation, and supports a healthy sleep cycle. Released by the adrenal glands in response to physical or mental stress, cortisol prepares the body for survival by increasing blood pressure, boosting blood sugar, and enhancing focus during perceived threats.
Dysregulated Cortisol Levels
When stress becomes chronic, as in cases of PTSD, cortisol levels become dysregulated. Persistent elevation can lead to anxiety, depression, fatigue, physical pain, heart palpitations, and other health issues. Chronic stress also depletes essential minerals like magnesium and potassium, which are critical for mood regulation, motivation, and brain function. Over time, the brain’s neural pathways adapt to this heightened stress state, reinforcing patterns of hyperarousal and exacerbating PTSD symptoms.
Stress-induced alterations in stem cell activity also impair connections to the prefrontal cortex, negatively affecting learning, memory, and motivation. Prolonged cortisol elevation contributes to fat accumulation around the midsection, while depleting muscle mass in other areas.
Cortisol and Immune Function
Cortisol imbalance disrupts the immune system, leading to overactivity or, in severe cases, autoimmune conditions. It also interferes with the body’s circadian rhythm, often causing sleep disturbances such as waking during the night or feeling fatigued at irregular times. Symptoms like restless leg syndrome or muscle twitching may signal magnesium deficiency linked to prolonged stress.
Chronic stress also taxes the adrenal glands, eventually leading to adrenal fatigue, where cortisol levels drop too low to sustain energy. This leaves the body drained and vulnerable to further dysregulation.
Long-Term Inflammation
When cortisol becomes dysregulated, its anti-inflammatory properties are impaired, which paradoxically promotes inflammation. Persistent inflammation can harm healthy tissues, contributing to issues like allergies, bone degeneration, and brain inflammation, among other health challenges.
Below are some ways that you can bring down levels of cortisol.
How to Lower Levels of Cortisol
Below are some methods and practices that you can use to lower the levels of cortisol in your body. We will cover more of these practices in future sections. On this page, we delve deeper into how diet can help counteract high levels of cortisol. You can find this at the end of this section or by clicking the link below.
Making some changes to your diet
You can alter the production of certain neurochemicals with the fuel that you add into your body. Eating a diet rich in proteins and low in sugar and simple carbohydrates, as well as limiting caffeine intake will help with spikes and crashes in blood sugar and energy levels. Vitamins like B, D, and minerals like magnesium will all help in rebalancing cortisol in your body, and have a calming anti inflammatory effect on the body.
Movement, exercise
The human body is designed for dynamic movement, both internally and externally. Supporting smooth digestive processes by consuming fibre, staying hydrated, and breathing fresh air is vital, as it allows the body to heal and renew continuously. A stagnant body can lead to energy blockages, leading to stress or illness which may start to manifest in different parts of the body. Physical movement therefore is essential for overall well-being. Incorporating daily activities such as walking, stretching, yoga, swimming, or engaging in sports can make a great difference in regulating and healing cortisol levels in your body.
Meditation, prayer
Meditation and prayer has many benefits which counteract stress, and increase overall well being. Deep, mindful breathing and engaging in a conscious connection with a power greater that ourselves helps to reduce the heart rate and calms the mind. Regular meditation and prayer decreases activity in the amygdala, the brain’s stress center, while enhancing prefrontal cortex function, which governs rational thinking and calm responses. Additionally, meditation promotes the release of serotonin and endorphins, helping to creating a better sense of well-being. Consistent practice helps to reduce baseline cortisol levels, and helps with resilience against illness and stress.
Singing, reading poetry or scripture out loud
Singing, humming, reading poetry or scripture creates vibrations in your vocal cords, and this stimulates the vagus nerve. This nerve is a key part of your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for calming your body after stress. Singing or reading something which is beautiful to you, which you love and find uplifting, is all the better. Make a practice to read beautiful poetry or scripture every morning, put on a playlist you can sing to as you go about your daily activities, or join a choir and enjoy the added stress reducing benefits of bonding with others.
Grounding
Grounding, or earthing, involves direct physical contact with the Earth’s surfaces, including earth, grass, sand and natural bodies of water, such as the sea, lakes and streams. Research has found that grounding may neutralize free radicals and reduce inflammation, which are both linked to elevated cortisol. It can reduce stress and stabilize the body’s circadian rhythms, improving sleep quality, a critical factor in maintaining healthy cortisol levels.
Laughter therapy
Genuine laughter releases beta-endorphins in the brain, counteracts and decreases stress hormones including cortisol, as it is difficult to be enjoying oneself and stressing out at the same time. Being around people that you feel at ease with, and can share fun activities promotes laughter, as does watching comedy movies and shows, funny podcasts, or attending a stand up comedy club. Trying out new things such as a dance or exercise class is also good, as these will bring a fresh outlook, and opportunities to enjoy oneself with others.
Forest bathing (Shirin-yoku)
This is a Japanese practice and involves spending time in nature, immersed in trees, greenery, inhaling the wooded air and the dampness of the evaporating earth. The unified simplicity of trees and forest floor creates an environment which reduces the levels of sensory overload, and relaxes the viewer. You can do this in a local park, forest or garden where you can walk slowly, aiming for at least 20 minutes or half hour of quiet mindful exploration. Turn off or leave behind your phone and other electronics, and tune into the harmony and simplicity of dappled light, bird song and the sound of wind rustling through the trees. Spending time in nature has been proven to lower the heart rate and cortisol levels, while improving immune function and a sense of well being.
Cold exposure (Cryotherapy)
Brief exposure to cold (e.g., cold showers and activities like sea swimming in colder climates) can lower stress and improve mood by activating endorphins and reducing cortisol. Cold exposure triggers a mild stress response that paradoxically helps your body adapt and become more resilient to stress in general. It also stimulates norepinephrine, a neurotransmitter that can elevate mood. You could start with start with a short burst of cold shower after your normal shower, and increase the time to 1-2 minutes gradually. Wild swimming, or sea swimming in colder climates if you are more adventurous, or try cryotherapy if you are in a city which offers this.
Chewing or sipping water, tea.
The act of chewing or sipping is thought to lower stress by promoting relaxation and reducing cortisol. It changes your sensory awareness to taste, texture, temperature, and distracts from immediate stressful situations. Chewing is counter intuitive to feeling in danger, as the brain knows that you do not generally eat when in fight or flight mode. Try carrying sugar free gum in a flavour you like, or a sugar free sweet which you associate with comfort and pleasure. You may carry a small flask of tea, like ashwaghanda, or a water bottle in a beautiful bottle or container you enjoy using. These may help with coping during stressful meetings, commutes, and you can have fun experimenting with flavours and containers that you love.
Knitting, and other crafting activities
Activities which require repetitive hand movements promote mindfulness, and this is associated with lowering cortisol levels. Crafting engages both your hands and your mind, fostering a meditative state that can help lower cortisol levels. The repetitive motions of knitting, sewing, leather working, quilt making, crocheting, colouring or drawing, painting, flower arranging, gardening, macrame, sailors knot working and many more are all calming activities. You could join a class or learn online to learn or upgrade your skills.
For men, or for doing something out of the ordinary, look online at the Peru Andes men knitting fancy hats they use to keep their heads protected. Look for the sailors knitting their own sweaters in the Norwegian and northern British isles areas, or check out Japanese kumihimo braiding.
Pet and animal therapy
Interacting with animals can significantly lower cortisol, and has been shown to lower blood pressure while increasing oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Spending time with pets, volunteering at an animal shelter, fostering a cat or dog, watching fish swim in a tank, visiting a pet store, zoo or public aquarium can all have calming effects on the body.
Nasal Breathing
Breathing through the nose instead of the mouth regulates oxygen levels, stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, and lowers cortisol. It helps to regulate oxygen intake, stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, and calms the body. It is also a cornerstone of many mindfulness and yoga practices. Try alternate nostril breathing: Close one nostril with your thumb, inhale through the other, then switch nostrils for the exhale. Use breathing techniques during stressful moments or before bedtime.
Scent Therapy (Try Citrus or Lavender)
Certain scents like lavender and citrus are shown to reduce cortisol levels and promote relaxation. Aromatherapy taps into the brain’s limbic system, which controls emotions and stress. Lavender and citrus notes are especially calming, but you may also choose your favourite scents, or experiment with new ones. You may use essential oils, or roll on mixtures which you can use for meditation or just to calm and ground the body during periods of stress. Use oils and scents in a diffuser, or dab on the hands and temples or carry a scented handkerchief. Keep a sachet of dried lavender by your pillow, a citrus scented spray at your desk, or sip fragrant tea through the day. Squeeze and inhale the scent of fresh orange or lemon for a boost of fragrance, and smell lavender heads, wildflowers, herbs while out walking.
Balancing exercises
Balancing exercises are excellent for reducing stress because they encourage mindfulness, improve body awareness, and promote a sense of stability, both physically and mentally. You can try standing on one leg for 20-30 seconds, then switch legs. To increase the challenge, close your eyes or perform arm movements. You could also try standing on one leg and placing the sole of your other foot against your inner thigh or calf (not the knee). Press your palms together in front of your chest or raise them overhead. Focus on a fixed point for balance. Tai Chi is another excellent activity for balance and mindfulness. Participating in these practices will help to enhance focus and concentration, which can redirect your mind away from stress. They encourage slow, deep breathing, and promote relaxation, helping to reduce stress hormones.
Gaming
Engaging in games can create a state of flow, a deeply immersive, stress-reducing mental state. Games like chess, card games, puzzles, word games, are all good. Board and online games with others can also foster social connection, which help to reduce stress. You may find clubs which meet up to play games at venues local to you, or even start one yourself.
Lowering Cortisol Levels with Dietary Adjustments
There are various methods to lower cortisol through diet, that are worth exploring to determine what works best for your unique physiology. It is always a good idea to check with your doctor, particularly if you are already taking medications or have specific health conditions. With the right approach, you may discover a method that works effectively, and makes difference in lowering stress levels in your body.
1 Eat foods high in protein, healthy fats and fibre.
Cortisol is produced and released partly in response to blood sugar spikes and crashes, and it is good to eat foods that encourage a slower, steadier release of blood sugars. Extending the release of energy from foods will help to level out spikes and crashes of cortisol levels. There is less demand on insulin, and less demand for cortisol.
Among others, a Mediterranean style of diet is one of the most effective to help decrease inflammation, and improve mental health. It includes fish and other lean proteins, fresh leafy greens like parsley, spinach and so on, olive oils, vitamin C rich foods, Tahini and sesame seeds which contain good amounts of B vitamins, yogurt and yogurt based dressings which are essential for gut health, and generally plenty of fibre and a variety of other nutrient dense foods.
2 Reduce caffeine intake
Caffeine directly causes adrenal cells to make cortisol, which is helpful in small quantities, such as when you are working to a deadline and so on. In the early days of healing, it may be preferable to reduce all caffeine for a time, as a way to calm the nervous system, and promote better sleep. You could substitute with decaf coffee, or dandelion and chicory root coffees which are completely free of caffeine. Decaf tea or redbush/roibos tea is also a good natural alternative, and you can add milk if you enjoy your tea with it.
3 Add high quality fish oil into your diet
Omega 3 fatty acids, and fish oils will help reduce cortisol levels, lower inflammation, and help to support healthy neurotransmitter function in body. You can add this into your diet by taking fish oils in supplement form, or by consuming more foods such as salmon, sardines, olive oil, tuna, mackerel, herring, anchovies, walnuts, avocados, chia seeds, flaxseeds, and other similar options.
4 Increase B Vitamins
Stress depletes key vitamins and minerals, and a lack of B vitamins may cause neurological symptoms such as low mood, and low energy. Adding these into your diet can play a vital role in managing the effects of stress and support the body’s ability to heal. B vitamins are essential for energy production, brain function, and the synthesis of neurotransmitters and neurochemicals, which help regulate mood and stress responses.
Whole grains, legumes, nuts, seeds and nutritional yeast are all rich sources of B1, B2, and B3. Leafy greens, avocados, provide B5 and B6. B9 is abundant in spinach, asparagus, and beans, while B12 is primarily found in animal products such as fish, chicken, beef, lamb, organ meats, eggs, and dairy. Incorporating these nutrient-rich foods, will help to support your body’s stress response, enhance energy levels, and promote mental resilience.
During periods of prolonged stress, the body’s demand for these vitamins increases, making it important to replenish them through diet or supplementation.
Several B vitamins are particularly beneficial for stress management. Vitamin B1 (thiamine) helps convert food into energy and supports nervous system function. Vitamin B2 (riboflavin) aids in energy production and acts as an antioxidant, reducing oxidative stress. Vitamin B3 (niacin) plays a role in DNA repair and stress hormone regulation, while Vitamin B5 (pantothenic acid) is crucial for synthesizing stress-related hormones like cortisol. Vitamin B6 (pyridoxine) is vital for producing neurotransmitters that regulate mood, and Vitamin B9 (folate) and Vitamin B12 (cobalamin) are essential for mental health and reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety.
For those following a plant-based diet, fortified foods or supplements may be necessary to meet B12 requirements. By incorporating these nutrient-rich foods, you can support your body’s stress response, enhance energy levels, and promote mental resilience.
5 D3 Vitamin is vital
High cortisol levels block the storage of D3, and a deficit in D3 Vitamins may cause depression, diminished ability to deal with stress and other symptom. When stressed and disregulated, the body does not store Vitamin D very well, and it is necessary to top up daily, through sunshine, or supplements.
6 ACV Apple Cider Vinegar
Apple Cider Vinegar and also lemon, lime, are alkaline forming foods, and they work to rebalance the PH Levels in the body. In any case, stay well hydrated through the day, as dehydration stresses body.
7 Try Adaptogens
Plants which will help your body adapt to stress, using many different biochemical pathways including lowering cortisol levels. Ashwaganda tea calms, rebalances and energises the body, Ginseng tea or supplements, also Rhodiola Rose tea. With all of these, get the best quality of these that you can.
8 Pre and Probiotics
Pre and pro-biotics are foods which promote a healthy gut biome. Most of the serotonin which helps regulate your mood is stored in your gut. Eating a variety of healthy fibre which is pre-biotic, allows good bacteria thrive. Yogurt, kefir, kimchi, sauerkraut is probiotic, and also very beneficial to your body and mood.
Prebiotics and probiotics are foods that support a healthy gut microbiome. The majority of serotonin, which plays a key role in regulating mood, is stored in the gut. Consuming a variety of healthy, fiber-rich prebiotic foods helps beneficial bacteria flourish. Probiotic foods like yogurt, kefir, kimchi, and sauerkraut also add significant benefits to overall health and mood regulation.
9 Magnesium and Potassium
These are physiological tranquillisers, for the body, and they work to relax the nervous system overall. They reduce inflammation in the body, and help to metabolise cortisol, relax muscles, regulate the heartbeat, and decrease blood pressure.
Magnesium deficiency can be caused by high levels of stress, eating too much sugar and refined carbohydrates, consuming processed foods, and many other factors, including high alcohol consumption. When magnesium deficiency causes inflammation in the body, problems may manifest in the form of anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, depression, muscle or menstrual cramps, high blood pressure, irregular heart beat, asthma, headaches, restless leg syndrome, muscle twitching and others. Neuromuscular excitability, or muscular twitching is an early sign of magnesium deficiency, sometimes affecting the area around the eyes.
Sources of Magnesium
Best sources for Magnesium are found in pumpkin seeds, almonds, pistachios, Broccoli, bananas, avocado, spinach, rocket, kale, dark chocolate, leafy greens, parmesan. Some of these contain oxalates, which block absorption of magnesium and if consumed in excess, may contribute to the formation of kidney stones. Please check with your doctor.
Beef, chicken, pork, and lamb, organ meats, fish, eggs, diary products including milk, cheese, yogurts, butter contain moderate amounts of magnesium and no oxalates. As ever, the best and safest way is to eat a healthy balanced diet, which includes whole healthy foods. Eating this way will balance out some of the problematic aspects of some foods, and help in maintaining beneficial levels of magnesium in your body as it heals.
Magnesium Supplements
Magnesium glycinate or bisglycinate are preferred options, and you can also try magnesium Citrate. Start with smaller doses to help your body to acclimatise to increased magnesium in your body, as it may lead to slightly softer bowel movements. Some people also report more vivid dreams, so decide for yourself what works for you. Check with your doctor. Other options may be to try magnesium chloride oil on the skin, and also bathing with Magnesium or Epsom salts, or using them in a foot-bath.
After trauma due to ending a relationship with a narcissist or other toxic personality type, a healthy balanced diet plays a crucial role in reducing cortisol levels and managing stress. Incorporating a variety of protein-rich foods, omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins such as B and D, prebiotics, probiotics, and minerals like magnesium into your daily meal, or taking them as supplements, can help lower inflammation. These nutrients nourish your nerve and stress receptors, supporting a natural balance and enhancing your ability to manage stress effectively. Reducing caffeine intake at least for a time, can further contribute to this process, promoting overall renewal and resilience.