Toxic Narcissism

At the outset, it is important to clarify that the term narcissist is often misunderstood when used to describe individuals who cause harm to others. Many people have come across online lists of narcissistic traits and tried to diagnose narcissists based on them. However, there is often ambiguity when it comes to labelling someone as a toxic or malignant narcissist. Most people exhibit something similar to narcissistic traits, such as self-preservation and looking out for themselves, which are generally healthy and beneficial in navigating life. For example, having a balanced and positive sense of self fosters healthy self-esteem, confidence, the ability to pursue goals, and the capacity to establish boundaries. A healthy level of self-regard supports resilience, ambition, and self-care without disregarding or harming others.

Toxic narcissism, on the other hand, is a pathological and destructive form of narcissism. It involves an inflated and grandiose sense of self, entitlement, and an absence of real empathy. Malignant narcissism is dysfunctional, manipulative, and exploitative of others. It is more than just an angry or abusive person who lacks impulse control—it describes a predatory personality. Such a person seeks to break others for their own gain, deriving pleasure from emotionally torturing and exploiting others, often with devastating consequences.

Dracula: A Prototype of the Toxic Narcissist

There is hardly a better example in film or literature which embodies the essence of a toxic narcissist as vividly as Bram Stoker’s Dracula. The parallels between Stoker’s immortal, timeless icon of horror and the narcissist are uncanny. It is easy to conclude that Dracula was the first narcissist depicted in modern culture, a prototype of this personality disorder, which is as old as time.

For those familiar with the nature of this “beast” through personal experience, the similarities will be evident. For others, watching the film or the highly recommended BBC dramatization (Dracula, 2024) can illuminate the characteristics of these individuals who hide in plain sight. If you are newly out of a relationship with a malignant narcissist, reading or listening to the book may provide a catharsis. Over 30 or so hours of listening you can immerse yourself in the reality of what you are leaving behind, and help to reinforce your resolve never to return.

Understanding Narcissistic Supply

Dracula and toxic narcissists share a driving need for a steady supply of ‘life sustaining energy.’ For Dracula, this means draining his prey of their blood to revitalize and enhance his physical and intellectual capacities. Similarly, narcissists exploit their chosen targets to survive and function. Their ‘supply’ might include money, sex, material assets, social status, knowledge, or emotional reactions – anything that validates or serves them.

In Dracula, the Count invites Harker to his castle with the intention of draining and destroying him. In the Carpathian Mountains, Dracula survives on the blood of peasants and cattle, but this is insufficient, he is increasingly decrepit, frail and wasting away. He desires to move to London to prey upon humans of higher social and intellectual standing. By draining their blood, he hopes to ‘download’ their intellect, mannerisms, culture, talents, and vitality, elevating himself in society.

Similarly, narcissists are often referred to as ‘energy vampires’, as they systematically exhaust, drain, and exploit their victims, often romantic partners or close relatives. They deliberately and purposefully reduce their victims to shadows of their former selves, draining them of their resources, joy, spirit, and reduce them to shells of themselves. Tragically, suicide among victims is not uncommon.

The energy that the narcissist drains is called narcissist supply, and it can be anything that they want from you. It can be undivided attention, admiration, awe, fear, hyper vigilance, your time, the refection of your good qualities upon them, sex, money, emotional reactions good or bad, service (slavery), status, an enabling screen or camouflage and so on.

Dracula drains, depletes, damages and ultimately aims to destroy his victims through the poison with which he infects them. Those who have had a long term relationships with Narcissists are similarly compromised, and the road to recovery is long and difficult.

Narcissist Charm and Love Bombing

Harker arrives at Dracula’s Castle and is met with the charming Count, who welcomes him into his grandiose castle. In this dark realm of which he is master, he offers a beautifully presented, lavish meal, with wine. Like the love bombing methods of the narcissist, Dracula mirrors and seduces Harker, making hi feel validated, and valued.

Similarly, narcissists charm their targets with calculated self-control, masking their true intentions. The narcissist is perfectly capable of treating people well, and it cannot be said that they don’t know when they are misusing and exploiting other people.

Tendency to drop Tells (red flags)

As with the narcissist, Dracula drops clues about his true hidden self. When asked by Harker to join him for a drink of wine, he tells him ‘I do not drink.. wine’ We can see the narcissist smirk, revealing the contempt behind his statement. The smirk is one of the recognisable characteristics of the narcissist, but its easy to miss clues like this when one is being love bombed. The unaware recipient of the love bombing wants to believe that the intentions of the narcissist are well meant, if sometimes awkward or seemingly ‘off’.

Seizing Control early on

Dracula gains control of Harker almost straight away telling him that he must stay for longer than the initial few days that were planned. He wants Harker to teach him the language and customs of England, his planned destination. The terrified Harker sees that he is isolated, imprisoned, and dependent on the count to get back home again.

Dracula tells him to write to his office in England and to tell them he will be away for another month. Increasingly he depletes Harker’s autonomy, leaving him weak, trapped, and at his mercy.

Narcissists also do not hear the word ‘No’, and one way or another they manipulate an unwritten contract with you, early on. They will look for weaknesses, or ways to gain advantage over you, and then use these to make it difficult for you to leave.

Count Dracula does not see his guest as a separate entity, and likewise the Narcissist also does not see or recognise the autonomy, preferences, desires and needs of other people. There is no empathy for the alarm felt by others when their behaviour starts to become evident, and even less, when they sense that they may be looking for a way to escape, temporary or permanently. Harker is seen as an object to be used by Dracula, a way of fulfilling his own needs, and this is the same for those entangled by a Narcissist.

Unable to Self Reflect (an Aversion to Mirrors)

Dracula does not have a reflection in mirrors and Harker realises this while shaving; Dracula is behind him, but there is no reflection. If there is an image in a mirror, it is a monster, and neither Harker nor Dracula want to see it.

On the other hand, both Dracula and the Narcissist imitate the function of a mirror themselves, while courting, grooming potential partners. They will reflect all their good qualities back to them. This is part of the love-bombing campaign, and is the reason why the Narcissist partner develops a close bond with them; they are falling in love with their own image, their own qualities. It is like finding a soul mate, their exact double. To the Narcissist, this mirror is one way, they can see out, but you cannot see in.

Shape Shifter, Chameleon

Dracula’s ability to shapeshift into mist, a bat, or a wolf symbolizes the narcissist’s deceptive nature. Narcissists use “word salad,” romanticized lies, and confusion to manipulate others. Like Dracula’s poison, their lies infiltrate and weaken their victims over time.

Dracula is able to shape shift into various guises, for example a fog or mist to confound and confuse. He turns into a fly, a large dog, and under moonlight he can travel as elemental dust within its rays.

He is able to turn into a bat, to drink blood, and drain his victim of their energy and life force. A bite from Dracula’s bat introduces a poison into his victim’s bloodstream, and this starts to work in the system.. it weakens, depletes, and leaves them fighting for their life.

Depletion of the Victim

In relationships with narcissists, those close to them often strive to find common ground—a shared understanding or mutual agreement. However, it soon becomes clear that narcissists will never uphold any standard of decency to meet their partner halfway. Instead, they will do whatever it takes to drag you down to your lowest point, forcing you to engage with them on their terms. Over time, the victim may begin to mirror the narcissist, shaped by too much exposure to their behaviour, excessive empathy, and the struggle of trying to fight on their level. This outcome suits the narcissist, as they have never truly seen the victim as a separate individual – such recognition was never part of their agenda.

Dracula’s victim is there purely as an accessory to be emotionally cannibalised, digested, processed and utilised. Harker becomes a critical source of supply, like a trained animal who presents themselves to be drained daily. Dracula, like the narcissist, is an empty dark shell, always on lookout for fresh (better grade), more reliable source of supply.

Regenerates in a Shadowy Crypt

Each sunrise forces Dracula into retreat, consumed by mortification and disgrace. He longs for death yet fears it, craving disappearance but unable to face daylight, himself, or others. Instead, he withdraws to a dirt filled box to devise his next sinister schemes.

Dracula cannot endure the light; sunrise fills him with dread, driving him to hide. Similarly, a narcissist lives in fear of exposure. They cannot bear the truth being revealed, for that marks the end of their deception. Once you see them for who they truly are, you become useless to them.

Narcissists are profoundly damaged individuals, and exposure to truth burns them as if by a third-degree flame. The light reveals their self-abandonment, their self-betrayal, and the immense pain and devastation—including deaths by suicide—they have inflicted on others. These truths are intolerable in the harsh clarity of day. Many try to escape through alcohol, substance abuse, or self-harm, but their favoured coping mechanism remains harming others. At their core, they are incapable of confronting the truth.

While the truth has the power to set one free, for the narcissist, it can become a force of destruction without the courage to face it. The unbearable pain of self-awareness leads many down a path of self-destruction or worse. This idea is vividly portrayed in the BBC drama Dracula: at the end of the second episode, Dracula is engulfed in flames, the light searing him as he screams in agony before throwing himself overboard.

Narcissist Games

In the BBC Dramatisation, I love that the creators chose to depict Van Helsing as a woman. As in Stoker’s original character, she is a professional renowned for her vast knowledge in medicine, science, and folklore. She is introduced in an an opening episode, playing chess with Count Dracula, and it becomes apparent that they are on a ship.

Highly intelligent and perceptive, he has chosen her as his next target. It is clear he is playing to win, to have the upper hand and get what he wants from her, much like narcissists who also view everything as a game they must win. Close-up shots reveal his sly smiles – more like the grimace of a wolf, a smirk from the lower half of his face. These micro expressions betray his psychopathic intentions, similar to the smirk often seen in narcissists or psychopaths.

Towards the end of the episode, Van Helsing provokes his fury. Holding her by the throat he is about to dispatch her, when she defiantly declares, ‘I win! The last thing your eyes will ever see is the contempt in mine!’ She challenges him, and he drops the attack.

Illusions and the Fogs of Deceit

Dracula is an illusionist who causes confusion for the purpose of deceit. In a scene from the ship, Dracula starts to blow smoke out of his mouth, summoning up a slowly advancing mist and fog. It becomes increasingly difficult to see, and we hear the Captain mention it when he says; ‘Can’t get rid of it, its like it follows us around’ Agatha Van Helsing wonders if the fog is there to block out sunlight, or block the truth of who Dracula is.

Narcissists like to remain mysterious and cryptic, they lie and deceive, use word salad, talking in circles, romanticise everything to seduce through deceit. They evade, confuse and frustrate any efforts for real communication. They lie when it is easier to tell the truth.

Female Narcissists

Narcissism is by no means a personality disorder attributed exclusively to men. Women can be just as predatory, exploitative and toxic. In film, we see female Narcissism depicted in films like Gone Girl (2014), Play Misty for Me, and Monster, a dramatisation or the true story or serial killer Aileen Wuornos. In literature we see it in Lady McBeth, While Oleander, Flowers in the Attic and others.

Two ways to know that you are dealing with narcissists

‘Dracula’; the book or film is an accurate depiction of the ways that narcissists operate, describing their behaviour and process. Two key indicators that you may be dealing with a narcissist are: their tendency to violate your boundaries early on and their evident enjoyment in causing harm to others.

Once they have identified you as a target and decided to pursue their goals at your expense, they will begin testing and overriding your boundaries. This often includes disregarding or ignoring your ‘no,’ pushing limits to see how far they can go, and persisting even when it’s clear that you’re uncomfortable. Examples include pressuring you to stay longer than you’d like, insisting on intimacy prematurely, and using charm, or guilt to coerce you into giving them what they want.

Narcissists operate by their own rules, justifying exploitative or harmful behaviour toward others. While it can sometimes be unclear if their actions stem from deliberate malice or sheer self-interest, the result is the same: people get hurt. Their behaviour might include lying, dismissing concerns, triangulating relationships, stealing, manipulating, or exploiting others for personal gain.

An ancient scriptural principle highlights this distinction: ‘A sinner struggles with sin, but the wicked have no such struggle. Their highest pleasure is in the pain that they cause.’ The ‘wicked’ of scripture is the narcissist, who finds enjoyment in the suffering of others. This is often betrayed by the narcissist’s smirk or the subtle amusement and contempt they display when minimizing or dismissing the pain they’ve caused – merely to inflict more harm.

These are two primary warning signs, and we can see these in film or literary depictions of narcissists, such as Dracula. Recognizing these tactics will empower you to identify and protect yourself from those who would employ them against you.