Healing from Relational Trauma and Narcissist Abuse

Welcome to this Website

This website is for you if you are a survivor of trauma from a relationship where emotional, psychological, or physical injury was inflicted against you. It is for you if you have decided to go ‘No Contact’ with a narcissist or abusive person, or if you are planning to do so. Survivors know that healing from narcissistic abuse is not like getting over an ordinary breakup, and on a deep level, they know that overcoming it may be one of the toughest things they will ever have to go through.

This website serves as a prelude to a forthcoming book on the same topic, offering a roadmap for healing from trauma caused by toxic relationships with narcissists and other abusive individuals. The healing model outlines a journey through seven distinct levels, each representing a unique spiritual or emotional stage of growth. These levels are presented both theoretically and through practical exercises, empowering readers to actively engage in their own healing process.

Levels of Healing

This healing journey is based on the premise that everything in and around us is energy, and that we tend to exist predominantly in one of the energetic levels of consciousness as described here.

These levels describe states of being, or mindsets which influence how we experience and interact with the world. Each level represents a distinct energy or frequency associated with specific emotional thought patterns and behaviours. Generally, the higher levels describe more expansive, peaceful and connected states of being, and while lower levels are associated with feelings of limitation, fear, or separation.

All the levels are good and useful in the big picture of things, and we need every aspect of them in the world. Problems arise however, when we drop rapidly from one level of consciousness to another, and this can happen through a traumatic event for example. Relational trauma occurs through prolonged intimate contact with someone who may be very damaged, controlling, abusive or even malevolent by nature. We may have been drawn in, entangled, disoriented in a way where it became very difficult to know when and how to leave. Losing one’s sense of self, will cause a drop in the levels of consciousness, and it is this which we aim to heal and revitalize.

The levels described here are based on frameworks developed by David Hawkins and others; and are here condensed into 7 levels and customised for the journey of healing from narcissist abuse. The original and customised versions are depicted in the above diagram.

Going No Contact

Deciding to go no contact and sticking to it, whether you left or they left you, is hard and it will take a lot of willpower. The question is, what exactly are you meant to be doing during all this time that you feel alone, depleted and consumed by grief?

I am presupposing that you have done some or even a lot of searching about the topic of narcissist abuse; you may have read books, watched videos, online articles, joined support groups, and forums on social media. You may have a wealth of knowledge about the subject of narcissism, but if not, I will provide some terminology, characteristics of perpetrators, and their methods here.

This program of healing will be of most benefit to you, if you are already navigating through the ‘No Contact’ process. Having also gone through this, I wanted to create a place which would help with this journey. In the journey of healing from narcissist abuse I wanted to provide a roadmap, where this time, no stone would be left unturned or unhealed, and survivors could look to never having to suffer through anything like this ever again.

Time Frame for Healing

You may hear that healing takes as long as it takes, that there is no forecast to how long before you feel better, no estimate as to when you will fully function in the world again. This is true to some extent, but at the same time, healing does not need to be a mysterious process of endless suffering.

I have written this program in a way that will give you markers along the way, so that you can see where you are in your healing, and what you might want to do next. This program is built as a series of levels, and is partly based on The Energetic Levels of Consciousness, as created by writers like David Hawkins, and Frederick Dodson. I have grouped and renamed these levels, so that they are more relevant specifically to healing from injury from narcissist relationships.

Reading through these levels and employing some of the exercises will give you an overview so you can chart your progress, to see where you are, and where you still want to go. Visiting each level and familiarising yourself with the energies will be of enormous help in itself, and deploying some of the exercises, ideas, and adding your own, will personalise and greatly facilitate the healing journey. It is not necessarily a fixed linear program, so feel free to explore any level as a starting point for you.

Why Healing is so Difficult

The damage from narcissist relationships is extensive and devastating, leaving survivors hardly knowing who they are anymore. Leaving, and employing ‘No Contact’ is not the happy conclusion to pain that we want it to be. Coming out of a whirlwind of abuse, lying, betrayal, word salad, disrespect, name calling, gaslighting, triangulation leaves a sudden and empty void when we leave. Realisations about the truth of what happened start to descend into consciousness, and the survivors are thrown into feelings of disbelief, shame for allowing it, realisation of the schemes deployed against them, outrage at the betrayal, and even desire for revenge. Survivors are left in turmoil and torment, and their focus is too much on still trying to understand the narcissist. Understanding is important and imperative, but real healing starts when Survivors start shrinking the abuser in their mind, and start to rebuild themselves again.

That is a huge task, but a very rewarding one, and it is what I want to focus on in these writings. Healing does not have to be years of misery, where survivors find themselves in some nightmarish exile from life. Survivors tend to be good, kind hearted people, people with talent, skills, positive and productive in their lives, because that is why narcissists choose you. It is a great loss to society when these people lose jobs, businesses, connections in their communities and relationships with their family members, when they find themselves greatly diminished, with hardly any self esteem or self regard left after what happened to them.

Survivors mourn who they were before all this happened, mourn the loss of innocence when they believed that people were all inherently good, and could be healed from their malignancy through love alone. They lose hope and sink into feelings of victimhood, sometimes for years. Society needs these people, so much depends on them, and it is wrong that many are just put out of commission for years.

Healing From Narcissist Abuse

Healing from Narcissist abuse brings a call for survivors to move into a higher state of being, and certainly their entire understanding of what love is, is about to undergo an overhaul. This is a great and exciting thing; from this challenge, survivors emerge with a greater understanding of what love is, and with a greater capacity for healthier relationships. They can once again take their place as the great lights of the world, now shining even more brightly, helping others, starting with those closest to them.

I hope you will find inspiration in these pages, and that your own healing will bring you to a beautiful place in your life, where you belong.

Read on to Understanding the Levels of Consciousness.